


Inside the Tardis

by Shakespearecouldnever



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Porny Crack, Shakespeare could never, its written like a theatre play, lowkey smut, or should I say smutty crack, utter crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:47:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24697822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shakespearecouldnever/pseuds/Shakespearecouldnever
Summary: A big lotta crack. Basically the Doctor is horny™, so he asks Nardole to fuck him. That’s it, that’s the plot.
Relationships: Twelfth Doctor/Nardole
Comments: 3
Kudos: 1





	Inside the Tardis

_(It's just another one of those days that Nardole and the Doctor travel without destiny through space)_

**THE DOCTOR.** Nardole, can I ask you a favour?

 **NARDOLE.** What is it sir?

 **THE DOCTOR.** I was wondering… Well... Would you mind having sexual intercourse with me?

 **NARDOLE.** ... Why would you want that sir?

 **THE DOCTOR.** To relax mainly. During an orgasm the body releases all build up pressure. And lately I’ve been very stressed and not able to focus on things properly. You may consider it another of your duties or services, whatever... That is if you’re willing to, of course.

 **THE DOCTOR.** As you probably remember I currently have no one to help me out in that department.

 **NARDOLE.** You could always call a prostitute you know.

 **THE DOCTOR.** .... I suppose you're right.

_(The Doctor is about to turn away)_

**NARDOLE.** Wait, I’ll do it.

_(Absolute silence)_

_(Nardole moves forth awkwardly, and has absolutely no idea what to do)_

**NARDOLE.** Do you want me to take my trousers off?

 **THE DOCTOR.** Yes, I think that is essential in order to have sex.

 **NARDOLE.** Right, yeah.

_(Without any shame he pulls his trousers and pants down to his ankles)_

_(And then he reaches out to pull the Doctor in for a kiss)_

**THE DOCTOR.** Forget it! NO kissing. This is purely sexual!

 **NARDOLE.** Oh ....okay, understood.

 **THE DOCTOR.** We'll do it like this.

_(The Doctor walks the few steps that separated them from the console and leans against it, with his back turned to Nardole)_

_(He undoes his belt and next thing his trousers and pants also hit the floor)_

_(Nardole moves closer, though not without struggling due to the trousers at his feet)_

**NARDOLE.** Oh, well that is a nice bum for your age.

 **THE DOCTOR.** Oi, shut it!

_(Nardole applies lube to his fat fingers and starts fingerfucking the Doctor. And after some minutes of preparation he stretches him open with his own dick)_

_(The atmosphere’s rather awkward, none of them is saying a word, nor making any sound yet)_

_(Some awkward finger-fucking and penetration later: )_

**NARDOLE.** Why is it this way round, anyways?

 **THE DOCTOR.** Well I can't get an erection effortlessly anymore, now can I?

 **NARDOLE.** Right, right.

 **NARDOLE.** May I ask, how old are you actually sir?

 **THE DOCTOR.** 2157.

 **NARDOLE.** No; I mean, physically.

 **THE DOCTOR.** I… don't know.

 **NARDOLE.** To be honest, it took me quite by surprise knowing that you’re still sexually active.

 **THE DOCTOR.** That's sex-shaming elders.

 **THE DOCTOR.** Elders are sexual beings that continue to engage and be interested in sexual and intimate behaviors.

 **THE DOCTOR.** What do you think River and I’ve been up to during 24 years?

_(Nardole starts thrusting harder but needs a better leverage and therefore goes in to hold himself steady on the Doctor's hips)_

**THE DOCTOR.** No touching the hips!

 **NARDOLE.** But... how am I supposed.... to...?

_(He makes clumsy hand gestures, unsure about what to do with them now)_

**THE DOCTOR.** What is that? What are you even doing?

 **NARDOLE.** I'm sorry sir, it’s just that I struggle reaching you. You are much taller than me.

 **THE DOCTOR.** Then get a fucking stool.

 **NARDOLE.** I have a better idea.

_(Minutes later both men find themselves lying one on top of the other completely naked on what seems to be the Doctor's own bed in his bedroom on board of the Tardis. It's messy and finally pleasurable)_

_(The Doctor is lying face down, face deep buried into the mattress. He is enjoying himself enough to not care that he can now feel every inch of Nardole's skin pressing into his own. Nardole is lying on top of him, riding him. Their bodies are touching everywhere. But the Doctor doesn’t seem to care at the moment. Somewhere along the way into bed, Nardole managed to convince the Doctor to lose all his clothes, even up to his socks)_

_(Both of their breaths are getting heavier and more accelerated)_

**THE DOCTOR.** _(With a great deal of determination)_ Harder.

-

_(Both have finished, Nardole still lays on the bed naked. But the Doctor already got up, and is dressing himself. He got exactly what he wanted; some stress and muscle relief to work better under pressure)_

_(Nardole is watching the Doctor getting dressed, shamelessly looking at his ass while he takes a cigarette box out of what seems to be thin air, and lights a cigarette)_

**THE DOCTOR.** What are you doing? You nearly had lung cancer only two days ago.

 **NARDOLE.** I always smoke after sex.

 **THE DOCTOR.** You mean, this wasn't your first time?

 **NARDOLE.** _(Ignoring the comment)_ This was so good.

 **THE DOCTOR.** In half an hour I want you off my bed and out of my room.

 **NARDOLE.** Can’t believe I ever get to say it: I’m shagging the Doctor… The last Time Lord alive.

 **THE DOCTOR.** You know that’s actually not quite true.

_(At this point they’re only talking past each other)_


End file.
